Thursday, 21 July 2016

The Seven Deadly Sins of Reading

Avarice

The constant need to buy more books, even though you did that yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that. 

Envy

https://giphy.com/gifs/reading-xTiTnEwlPV1OVKKtlC

Fictional people are not bound by the rules of reality, or even the laws of time and space. When you've just finished reading about shonen heroes with their constant, plot-convenient power-ups, schools that teach transfiguration instead of trigonometry, and kids with quests instead of coursework, it's hard to be anything but jealous.

Pride

The feeling we all get when we read a book before it was cool.

Alternatively, that feeling you get when you introduce a friend to another world and they fall in love with it. 

Lust

(*Sniggers*)   

*Glares* Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. What are you doing up, anyway? It's not quite eight o'clock. At night. 

(*Yawns* Well we can't all be morning people.)

Lust can mean to crave or covet something, i.e. a lust for power. Readers have a shameful lust for knowledge and adventure that no amount of reading will sate. 

Gluttony

Two words. Binge. Reading.

(Binge-Read. Verb. 
To consume books one after another in a futile attempt to have your fill of fiction. Has been known to lead to frustration at release dates, reading slumps, and an inability to be pleased by anything. It is also known to be a key gateway to other forms of procrastination. Despite these dangers, some brave readers still choose to take part in readathons. Readathons intensify the risks of binge-reading by challenging innocent readers to read as many books as possible within a certain amount of time.
If you are planning to binge-read, please take precautions. Don't read on an empty stomach, always tell a friend what you are reading, and never read and drive.
Binge-reading. Know your limits.)

Sloth

Two words. Reading. Slump.

https://giphy.com/gifs/october-reader-relentless-QkBIixosz2Ol2

(Reading Slump.
Symptoms:
  • The inability to get through a book without putting it down every few pages and leaving it for several weeks. This is not the book's fault. It could be a book you've been reading for a while, or even a favourite book.
  • Sometimes (though not always) you may go off buying books during a reading slump.
  • You may find it as impossible to enter a bookshop as an uninvited vampire would find it to enter a house.
Causes:
  • Laziness, pure and simple.)
Ivy.
  
(Other Possible causes include reading too much, finishing a much-loved series, and being disappointed by a book. 

It's probably just laziness though. I mean, come on, it's not exactly hard. Just PICK UP THE BOOK and READ it.)

Thank you Ivy for that startling, completely out-of-character display of empathy. It's good to know that, the next time I fall into a reading slump, I can rely on you to pull me out with gentle words of encouragement.

Wrath

https://giphy.com/gifs/4s7Yz0VFR7na0

When a book ends on a cliff-hanger and the sequel isn't due out for several years -

(That's one year in non-reader time.) 

- it is common for a reader to indulge themselves in a bit of teeth-gnashing before falling into a perpetual state of sorrow.

How many of these sins have you committed? Would you have defined any of them differently?