Tuesday, 30 May 2017

10 Problems Every Bookworm Can Relate To

Why would anyone become a bookworm? They face so many daily struggles. So much pain. So much suffering.

(I think you're getting bookworms confused with protagonists.)

That's rubbish. Here are ten legitimate problems that booksworms face on a daily basis.   

1. "And Now I Have to Carry Them."

How many books do you usually buy at the book shop? What if they have a three for two offer on? And there's £3 off that new hardback you want to read? Oh, and did I mention the by one get one free offer on selected books?

Two hours later, you stagger out of the bookshop with an empty purse, three bags of books, and the dawning realisation that now you have to carry them until your companions have finished shopping. 

2. "You've Reached Your Limit."

"That's impossible!" you tell the poor, unfortunate librarian, even as you count the books you've borrowed in your head and come to the conclusion that, impossibly, you are over the limit.

Library Haul!

 3. "But Where Do I Put It?"

Your shelf looks like it's collapse on top of you. The floor is peppered with piles of shiny hardbacks, scuffed paperbacks, and the odd comic that looks like it's been through the washing machine. You stare at the book in your hand. It's only small. Maybe... You shove it into a non-existant gap on your shelf and resign yourself to a fate of drowning in books and, possibly, being knocked on the head by a stray bit of wood.

4. "I Don't Have the Money."

You say, as you stare into your empty cupboard. You are out of pasta. You are out of rice. Your potatoes have turned green. 

It's okay though. This is why libraries were invented.

5. "Why Isn't My Edition on Goodreads?"

It clearly exists. You are literally holding it in your hands. So you add it. 

Four hours later, you return to Goodreads to somehow discover that it was on there all along, hiding from you. You scream curses at the sky, and hope that the Goodreads Librarians aren't calling on the nine muses to smite you.

6. "What Do You Mean They Only Have One, Three, and Four?"

How can book two be nowhere on the library system? What? Did someone steal it? Or did they buy in the whole series except that specific one simply to mess with you?

And now what are you supposed to do? If you buy it, you might as well buy all of them. You could skip it, but then what if you miss something important? What if nothing makes sense anymore? What if the sun swallows the earth, turning us all into nothing more than grease spots on the universe?

7. "Why Is There a Spoiler in the BLURB?"

You accidentally picked up book two first. It wasn't your fault, you'd never heard of the series before, and book one wasn't there. It sounds good, but, as it's book two, you put it down and search for the first one. A couple of weeks (months/years) later, when you sit down to read it, you discover that the blurb for book two spoiled the big reveal in book one. Seriously. What sort of evil, sadistic -

(When are you going to get over the blurb for The Masked City?)


8. "Sleep Is for the Weak."

It's 3am, and if you don't finish this book before morning, you will not be finishing it until the end of term. You press on, the knowledge that you have somewhere to be at 9am weighing heavily on your mind.

9. "What Was That Film?"

You stumble out of the cinema trying to work out what exactly you just watched, because it sure as hell wasn't Percy Jackson.

10. "No. NO. Not a... Cliffhanger."

You really shouldn't have bought that book the day it came out, because now you have to wait at least a year to find out if your favourite characters are still alive. They will be. Probably. But still, you need to know.

(...I doubt the legitimacy of all of these.)

Drop your relatable reading problems in the comments.