Friday, 6 November 2015

It Lives!

Heart pumping…
Blood flowing... 
Just got to connect the final wire…




Sorry about that. Just got a little carried away there.

(A little?)
You know how it is, first blog post and all. I don’t like giving out my real name online so, for now at least, you can call me Rain.

I’m a reader.
Amateur writer.
Professional procrastinator.

(Are you ignoring me?)
I’ve been meaning to start a blog for a while. But I was battered from all sides by “helpful” advice. 

Know your brand.
Identify your audience.
Send three or four posts live at once.

Then I realised that blogging advice is like writing advice – there to be ignored.
You go out there, you do your thing, and you cross your fingers that it works.

I mean, know my brand? I’m an eighteen year old student. Whichever brand’s on sale that week is my brand. And, more to the point, I can’t be a brand. I’m a person.
As for identifying my audience, that’s me.
I’m doing this to gain confidence in my writing.   
I’m doing this to join a community.
I’m not a rock star or an actress. It takes all my courage just to open my mouth in a seminar.
As far as I’m concerned, I’m talking to air. And, if the air talks back, I’ll listen. 

(Your syntax was appalling up there. You do realise that those weren’t full sentences, right? And as for the all-caps – ) 

Do us all a favour and shut up, Ivy. 

(Oh right. You’re going to craft a coherent blog post all by yourself, are you? You barely know your colon from your Intestinum crissum.)

My what?
(Exactly. Now are you going to introduce me, or should I hijack the keyboard and do it myself?)  

Uh… Ladies. Gentlemen. Children of assorted size. This is Ivy. She’s my…Problem? Penance? Punishment for existing? 

(I’m your inner editor!) 

Then stop externalising! 
Don’t worry about her too much. I’m going to kick her all the way back to the brain stem. There’s no way she’ll be offering her two cents on my next post.

(You are aware that the titular character has a bad habit of sticking around, right? Rain? Rain? Hey! Rain! You can’t just leave the keyboard! We’ve got work to do! Rain!)